If not in six years, today I am scared...

As I write, may be thousands are protesting in Delhi today, braving the spine numbing cold. I have been having thoughts, all sorts, about what the gang-rape incident means to the average women in Delhi, who cannot afford to have a personal car for her safety to travel. So the bus, auto and the metro seem to be for now the only option, for thousands others like me.

Strangely enough, I was in Munirka yesterday and even spotted that ill-fated bus stop from where about two weeks ago, the now deceased 23 year old physiotherapy student who was gang-raped, boarded the bus. I had all sorts of scary thoughts yesterday until the time I was in Munirka.

I have been staying in Delhi for the past six years. When I came here, I was cautioned by family and friends about the perils of staying alone in Delhi. In my initial days I used to stay in Vasant Vihar, a typical plush South Delhi area where streets are mostly deserted, as private cars ply around. I can’t recall of a single evening when I was not escorted back to my PG by my friends, fearing that travelling alone might be a compromise to my safety. I was in Vasant Vihar for 2 years before shifting base to JNU campus.

JNU campus can be called an oasis amidst the sea of turbulence in the capital. Every time I enter inside the main gate, I feel I have returned back safely and unharmed, for the day. But one cannot get cocooned inside JNU all the time. One has professional, cultural and social needs and obligations. Interestingly, in Delhi all three needs are structured upon the issue of safety. If you have to travel, book a flight that flies during the day time, take a train that reaches Delhi in the morning (never after 5 PM!) If you want to hang out with your friends make sure you are back (previously it used to be 8 PM), by (now I guess I myself prefer) 6 PM. And yes, we are talking about a modern, empowered woman who stays in the capital of this country. She is not at all embarrassed to follow a stricture that is tinged with medievalist tradition. Every day my freedom is infringed; my rights are trampled by a fear; my parents’ peace of mind disturbed because they want their daughter to have the best education.

Today I am scared, may be I have not admitted it, but in some corner of my mind, fear lurks large. In six years I have not felt so. I guess a majority of other women in Delhi is constantly living under this scourge of fear, for no fault of theirs. The only fault is - she might be pretty, or she might like to dress in stylish attires or she might resist someone else’s unholy moves.

I have always loved Delhi ever since I came. But I have never admired its breed of populace. At the cost of sounding biased, I would say there is a general lack of respect for women that pervades in majority of North Indian men’s psyche. It is that psyche that makes rape a passable offence, because women in general were never and I presume would never be treated at par.

One cannot have police personnel posted at every signal. It is impossible in a country like India having 1.3 billion people. Police cannot change the psyche of a man. Strong laws? Who will make that law? We have ourselves elected MPs and MLAs who have criminal antecedents, some of whom even have rape charges against them. May be what we need today is a cultural renaissance. It is this culture of subjugation that has shaped men’s psyche, which has captivated and destroyed my freedom. It is this culture which does not let me be myself here. I can only hope my children would have better and safe streets to walk on even at 1 AM at night. But that too is a hope against hope.

This post appeared on 30 December 2012 in 'Ei Samay' ( The Times of India's Bengali newspaper circulated in Kolkata) as a translated version in Bangla. The Bangla version can be accessed here:

http://www.epaper.eisamay.com/Details.aspx?id=1773&boxid=23113921