For a change I thought lets write on something that is not hardcore political commentary ( pick up The Hindu for that matter!).Was whacking my head as to what should be the ideal topic which will attract readership and visitors to my blog. One of the followers of my blog suggested a good topic, that on Obama and ‘his albatross’ (of course pun intended ! I mean his Peace Prize, is no less than an albatross that has been hung around his neck by the Nobel Committee as a reminder to the promises he made, because those promises need to be kept also. And that medal, whenever he gets it will remind him of the tasks that are still unfulfilled.) But good sense prevailed as I thought that Nobel Peace Prize had become a saturated topic, with opinions pouring in from a tea-stall owner to all the Twitteratis ! Then I picked up ‘2 States : The Story of my Marriage’ the latest book by Chetan Bhagat ( those who do not know about Chetan Bhagat, well for them, he is the writer of bestsellers like ‘Five Point someone : What not to do at the IITs’, which is soon going to be released into a movie titled ‘Three Idiots’ starring Aamir Khan, Kareena Kapoor and other books like ‘One Night at the Call centre’.) His last book ‘The 3 Mistakes of my Life’ disappointed me, so I was not quite inclined to grab ‘2 States’ the moment it was published. Toying with the idea I finally gave in to my temptations to unravel what lay in store inside the red colored book. But I did do some research before buying the book ( thanks to Twitter and other sites ). What attracted me was the back cover of the book. It reads:
Love marriages around the world are simple:
Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. They get married.
In India, there are a few more steps:
Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy.
Girl’s family has to love boy. Boy’s family has to love girl.
Girl’s family has to love boy’s family. Boy’s family has to love girl’s family…
I found it so true. Such a profound truth yet so simply put. Then there was no stopping me. I swallowed the book in 24 hrs. When I finished the book the only thing that struck me was that we have too many Indias living in India. We say India is an emerging super power, has made stupendous strides economically,and we brag about the 'Unity in Diversity' concept, but behind this statistical and emotionally charged well worded façade lie the real India, where to which caste and region you belong still determines your matrimonial potential. Where it doesnot matter whether you are from IIT or IIM or IISC, but what matters most is whether you are a Tamil Brahmin or Marathi or Bengali that will make you a good match for a girl/boy. So even if we have achieved economic footprints, culturally and socially we are still taking a step backward. What it matters most to an average Indian is ones’s prestige in one’s own community. If you marry your son and daughter to someone who is not of your own caste, you yourself become an outcaste and it doesnot matter whether your would be son-in-law or for that matter your daughter-in-law has an academic record that most people in your community can just dream of but can never achieve. So what ? At the end of the day, what you need is someone who can speak your language, eat your kind of food and be a part of your own festivals ! I thought it was necessary to marry someone whom you love and who loves you. That’s it ! But no, there are a whole lot of people you should satisfy and impress and endless conditions that you should fulfill to settle down. Like you will have to be a Bengali first, then a Brahmin or a kayastha then within that your gotra and then some more blah blah…n if all is well you might get a B- grade after all such ordeal !
To all of you who will read this article I have an innocent query-Is it possible to love someone if and only if these caste and sub-caste factors are met ? I feel then its not love but bargain ! I sometimes feel that Indian parents might well settle for a foreigner bride or groom but not an Indian who is not of their own community, caste or region. But it was to drive out these foreigners that we the Indians once fought unitedly for 200 years!
Chetan wrote it well, that we have a national anthem, a national symbol, a national bird, but we have many nations within a nation. To account for it I just cannot help recalling what once a very good and learned friend of mine said, that we never had a Renaissance in India. That was so badly needed. A cricket match can unite the many Indias within India but love cannot. Outside the cricket field, we are a Bengali first then an Indian, or a Punjabi first then an Indian. That is why only in India we have the phenomenon of honour killings. I think it has more to do with a South Asian mentality. I can bet even in Pak and in Bangladesh we have this menace.
I think it is but natural. A country that saw the pangs of partition during its independence can only reverberate with the sounds of division even after partition. Because even though we have made economic progress yet we are still to grow culturally and change the age old stereotypes. But for a cultural renaissance to happen it will still take another long and arduous struggle.That is because any struggle to change mindset is more difficult than a political struggle to change the seat of authority.
P.S: Read ‘2 States’ if you have a girl friend/boy friend who is not of your own caste or community and whom you want to seriously get married to.