For a change I thought lets write on something that is not hardcore political commentary ( pick up The Hindu for that matter!).Was whacking my head as to what should be the ideal topic which will attract readership and visitors to my blog. One of the followers of my blog suggested a good topic, that on Obama and ‘his albatross’ (of course pun intended ! I mean his Peace Prize, is no less than an albatross that has been hung around his neck by the Nobel Committee as a reminder to the promises he made, because those promises need to be kept also. And that medal, whenever he gets it will remind him of the tasks that are still unfulfilled.) But good sense prevailed as I thought that Nobel Peace Prize had become a saturated topic, with opinions pouring in from a tea-stall owner to all the Twitteratis ! Then I picked up ‘2 States : The Story of my Marriage’ the latest book by Chetan Bhagat ( those who do not know about Chetan Bhagat, well for them, he is the writer of bestsellers like ‘Five Point someone : What not to do at the IITs’, which is soon going to be released into a movie titled ‘Three Idiots’ starring Aamir Khan, Kareena Kapoor and other books like ‘One Night at the Call centre’.) His last book ‘The 3 Mistakes of my Life’ disappointed me, so I was not quite inclined to grab ‘2 States’ the moment it was published. Toying with the idea I finally gave in to my temptations to unravel what lay in store inside the red colored book. But I did do some research before buying the book ( thanks to Twitter and other sites ). What attracted me was the back cover of the book. It reads:
Love marriages around the world are simple:
Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. They get married.
In India, there are a few more steps:
Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy.
Girl’s family has to love boy. Boy’s family has to love girl.
Girl’s family has to love boy’s family. Boy’s family has to love girl’s family…
I found it so true. Such a profound truth yet so simply put. Then there was no stopping me. I swallowed the book in 24 hrs. When I finished the book the only thing that struck me was that we have too many Indias living in India. We say India is an emerging super power, has made stupendous strides economically,and we brag about the 'Unity in Diversity' concept, but behind this statistical and emotionally charged well worded façade lie the real India, where to which caste and region you belong still determines your matrimonial potential. Where it doesnot matter whether you are from IIT or IIM or IISC, but what matters most is whether you are a Tamil Brahmin or Marathi or Bengali that will make you a good match for a girl/boy. So even if we have achieved economic footprints, culturally and socially we are still taking a step backward. What it matters most to an average Indian is ones’s prestige in one’s own community. If you marry your son and daughter to someone who is not of your own caste, you yourself become an outcaste and it doesnot matter whether your would be son-in-law or for that matter your daughter-in-law has an academic record that most people in your community can just dream of but can never achieve. So what ? At the end of the day, what you need is someone who can speak your language, eat your kind of food and be a part of your own festivals ! I thought it was necessary to marry someone whom you love and who loves you. That’s it ! But no, there are a whole lot of people you should satisfy and impress and endless conditions that you should fulfill to settle down. Like you will have to be a Bengali first, then a Brahmin or a kayastha then within that your gotra and then some more blah blah…n if all is well you might get a B- grade after all such ordeal !
To all of you who will read this article I have an innocent query-Is it possible to love someone if and only if these caste and sub-caste factors are met ? I feel then its not love but bargain ! I sometimes feel that Indian parents might well settle for a foreigner bride or groom but not an Indian who is not of their own community, caste or region. But it was to drive out these foreigners that we the Indians once fought unitedly for 200 years!
Chetan wrote it well, that we have a national anthem, a national symbol, a national bird, but we have many nations within a nation. To account for it I just cannot help recalling what once a very good and learned friend of mine said, that we never had a Renaissance in India. That was so badly needed. A cricket match can unite the many Indias within India but love cannot. Outside the cricket field, we are a Bengali first then an Indian, or a Punjabi first then an Indian. That is why only in India we have the phenomenon of honour killings. I think it has more to do with a South Asian mentality. I can bet even in Pak and in Bangladesh we have this menace.
I think it is but natural. A country that saw the pangs of partition during its independence can only reverberate with the sounds of division even after partition. Because even though we have made economic progress yet we are still to grow culturally and change the age old stereotypes. But for a cultural renaissance to happen it will still take another long and arduous struggle.That is because any struggle to change mindset is more difficult than a political struggle to change the seat of authority.
P.S: Read ‘2 States’ if you have a girl friend/boy friend who is not of your own caste or community and whom you want to seriously get married to.
even if u marry in same caste community problem can still arise its upto the individuals to handle it properly so why to blame on caste factor whats wrong if u marry in same caste communiuty.We look for gotra so that one does not inherit the defective genes which run in same family see everything has a significance marriage its a complicated thing i think so
ReplyDelete@prashant-sorry Prashant u didnt get my point.my issue is mch mr broad than just hammering it down to marriage.
ReplyDeleteIt is an unavoidable truth that India is indeed an amalgamation of many 'nations'. What is commendable is that unlike in some other parts of the world, where such (multi-ethnic) systems could not hold on and eventually disintegrated into history (The Balkans, for instance), we are still managing to be together. That itself is good enough I suppose.
ReplyDeleteNow, as far as the question of love and marriages is concerned, I feel that it should be up to the choice of the individuals concerned. But, since the Indian social structure is quite different from the west, I find the quotes from Mr. Bhagat to be quite right on the money. In India, one can't ignore the fact that the family ties etc are much stronger and important in someone's life, and the family has been built on ages of traditions and culture and here lies the catch. These values vary from region to region in India. So, it naturally becomes tough for an inter-culture thing to work out fine.
However, the changing times have incorporated more cosmopolitan thinking prowess into the Indian's mind (at least I hope so), and I feel that the difficulties should be waning with time and we may be moving towards a time when these barriers will weaken and a pan-India relationship will no more be treated as some alien concept.
p.s. I would still like my lady to be able to prepare delicious Bengali dishes for me. :D
interesting to learn the interpretation by you. truly there exists nations in this nation. customs and traditions are meant for the welfare and good of the humanity but at the same time it is not perfect because it varies greatly with the context in which it has to be practiced.
ReplyDeleteany custom which leads to destruction of life in any form is bound to be condemned and changed. the honour killings in different parts of the country is nothing but the infuriated false ego of them who commit these crimes.
one should understand that the system is meant to serve the mankind. but its is happening the other way round... i feel sad about it..
but on a positive note to the nations concept, the diversity is always appreciated..it demonstrates the true human expression in different forms..
I guess these caste,class issues would persist for long....because our education system have changed our economy but not the society and its psychology....
ReplyDeleteHonour killing cuts across (though less) all regions....even in the better off south Indian states....
It is the orthodox nature of our society which resort to deadly incidents for the Psuedo-honour of the family or society...